Recently various events have brought this subject very close to me. The word 'friend' is one that we use rather broadly. In can range from that close and dear person who is almost like a second self to a rather casual acquaintance that we enjoy and like but can pass casually from our life without any great emotional sense of loss.

In what we call Real Life that is our face to face personal relationships the second self friend will be rare and their loss for what ever reason will leave a hole in ours lives.

Now the Internet was both extended our world and made it smaller. I have played games with people from China, received help and given help to some one in Israel. Debated with people from all over the world leaning much in the process. I can go to a chat room and talk to people from near and far. Distance does not matter, age does not matter, gender does not matter. It is this type of new friendship i would like to discuss here. And here I will stop because this could go on for pages and who would read it?

Added: C.S. Lews says in his essays on "The Four Loves" that friendship is a strong bond existing between people who share a common interest or activity. Lewis explicitly says that his definition of friendship is narrower than mere companionship:

Internet friendship is a new concept for me. I first went on the Internet seeking medical help and a support group, not very successfully. Then later turned to gaming information and help. I have been involved in a few forums and enjoyed it very much. I met a few people who where very helpful and we corresponded for a while but then interests diverged and we moved on to other things.

Friendship begins in a common interest when the interest or priorities change then the 'friendship' may cease. It is sad but not surprising. It is also a little scary to me. Here at DC I have people I consider friends in the true sense of the word. People not only who helped me but interest me as individuals. People who not only enjoy the same games I do but with whom I can chat about nonsense, serious, trivial things.

Hmm. Internet friends versus real life friends. I think the greatest difference is you see one and the other you "see" only in their words and your mind. I have met and enjoyed both acquaintance type friends in both worlds and I dearly love some from both worlds that I would truly miss if they were gone. To be honest, I didn't realize how much I cared about friends I only chatted to on the net until a forum we were using suddenly went away one day and I was totally devastated. Now, I try to have several ways to "meet" them to relieve the periodic angst of 404's.

Friendship is good and both friends and acquaintances seem to be necessary to a healthy emotional state. At least it is to me.

On SP the subject of what we would do if Tal closed the Board comes up from time to time. We have a camaraderie that ranges from friendly acquaintances to good friends. People do come and go and people do come back to visit just like in offline life. Each forum is different and I have been lucky to be on five very good ones. Three of them very special because of the people there.

I think part of the popularity of places like Facebook are because people do want more than one place they can meet and keep in touch with those there care about.

Offline friends come and go too. We live in a very mobile world. A good friend is a treasure to be held close even when far away. "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold." an old song and that is all I remember of it.

Something that happened recently broght home to me that friendship whether offline or online is really just a click away. There is a tiny spark, a tiny something that says "I like this person and want to get to know him/her better." If the feeling is recipotated then a friendship is born. Where it goes, how it grows lies in the future but the foundation is there.

Water it, prune it, cultivate it for it will pass by you but once.

Hmm. You sound like you enjoy gardening - sometimes for more than just plants?

I have an Oblivion mod that I think you would enjoy - Millstone Farm. I believe you can find it on ORE or possibly Nexus. It is a house mod with unique, crafty additions. You can feed the livestock and then gain milk (for making cheese and baked goods), meat, and mushrooms and shear wool from sheep. You can grow things in your garden. You can make cheese, wine, ale, and various different baked goods. And, you can make cloth for making clothes and make paint so that you can paint different pictures. Plus, much more. A companion dog is included. And, all of this is doable without OBSE. It is made by Korana - a wonderful and talented modder that I have enjoyed since Morrowind.

WoW! Nowena, that does sound like my type of mod. Thanks.

I do like gardening and the outdoors but I am also a Valtaire fan. Remember Candide? Is this the perfect world? No, and the best we can do is tend to our own garden. Some are small; some gigantic but we are responsible for our own garden.

Friendship is an important part of that garden and right now I am involved in a growing one. We will see what the future holds.

If you decided to download and try it out, I suggest printing off the description. There is so much to do, it takes up quite a few pages. However, if you just try something, you get a popup telling you what you need first. I found that most helpful, but the description gave me lots of hints over what to try.

Thanks for the tip, Nowena.

Friendship is simply being there. Knowing when to simply let it grow on its own. The silence of companionship. The simple word of caring. The rain drop of sympathy. The sunbeam of joy.