Chapter II Exert
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okay, this is a part of chapter two... neroth finds himself lost in the capitol city, and in need of finding his new friend daylando...

this section is lacking, and needs certiqueing... and adding too

if anyone has and sugestions or thoughts please let me know

heres the book exert ~
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“Is it wrong… to take pride and joy in the death of another person?” the girl whispered softly in his ear. Neroth shook his head “no, when it’s a man such as he… there is nothing wrong in rejoicing in his death.” The young girl smiled, gave the young hunter a hug and a kiss. Neroth thanked both her and her love; then headed out the door, and down the path, back to the main plaza.
“now, where should I go… I need to get to the guilds upper plaza… and I belive im on the lower markete plaza…” Neroth repated over and over in his mind. “good sir… can I intrest you in this ell?” a shaky voice called from behind him. Neroth turned to see a very old man standing behind him hold a slimy old ell in his hand. “I will make you good deal… only 50 zenti… for it…” he continued rambling. Neroth looked blankly at him. “40 then? It’s a very good ell… you will not be disappointed…” the man said waving the ell back and forth. “fine…” Neroth said after a few moments. “fourty for the ell…” the old man’s face light with glee, and he quickly handed Neroth the ell and ran away quickly with the coins he had received. “great… now im lost, fourty coins poorer, and I have a useless ell.” He thought as he walked down a side street. “hey mister! Hey mister!” said a young urchant. “I don’t want another ell if that’s what you want.” He said coldly. “no sir, no sir… I was actuly looking to buy that ell… how does a hundered zenti sound good sir?” the youth looked up at Neroth with bright big eyes. “ill make you a deal kid… tell me where the upper plaza is, the home of the guild knights… and I will give you the ell.” Neroth said with a smile and held the ell aloft above the kid. Okay, so your going to go to the market plaza, and then turn north… follow markt street to plaza of the first, and then there should be a large gate… the upper plaza is through there.” The youth said eagerly. “I suppose that works… here is the ell… as promised.” Neroth said, and handed the estatic youth the usless treasure; he soon disapered into the crowds. Neroth wondered the path the kid had told him, and arivied on the first plaza. Upon arivieng, he found two guild knights standing guard infornt of a huge gate.
“halt… who goes there!” said the gruff gate guard. “my name is Neroth…” he said nervously. “Neroth… Daylando’s apprentice? Well then you are free to pass… welcome to the guild good sir.” He said with a flat toned voice. He then proceded to pull a strange device from his scbard, and pointed it directly up. He fired it, and a spark shot up past the tower on the gate. The ancient sylian wood doors slid open. “how did you do that? I have seen bow guns do that… but never something that small.” Neroth asked the guard curiosly; yet he just looked at him strangly. “it’s a standered issue guild knight revolver… its basicly a small hand held version of a bow gun… it can only fire basic shelling though.” He said and pointed the way up the stairs to Neroth. “thank you sir” Neroth said as he trotted up the stairs to the upper plaza. It was a large open area. The stone was eqsizit, and resembled the color of peach sandstone. On the far side, there was a monoliphic stone structure, with two extravagant towers, with tiled roofs. Beyond those towers, rested a greater roof, and structre, bareing the same tiles. To the right, was a stone building made of shalite rocks. There was a wooden front, again with the signature tile. On the far left was another stone building, this time with a stone presiface, that pertrued from it. But the most spectatcular feature, was a great statue in the center of the open plaza. It was of a man wearing guild knight armor; holding a great sword in his right hand, and a staff aloft in his left. “what an impressive figure.” Neroth thought to himself, as he looked at the statue.
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This is an interesting excerpt, Scythe I'm not sure I understood everything though. First of all, what's an ell? Because I could only find it as a kind of measure, coming from elbow.

The inner dialogue is very good but I lost the girl somewhere? Is she still with Neroth on the upper plaza? Or she was left behind?

Umm. May I suggest either putting a space between each paragraph, or at least indenting each new paragraph to make reading a little easier?

Sounds pretty good. Several typos and spelling problems (exquisite, I believe is the word you are looking for in one case), but I think in a first draft, those are not so important and I can help you with that easily if you want.

Regarding the story: Do watch and try to keep a happy medium between leaving out important information and writing down each step a character makes. Sometimes it is better to worry over transitions than walk us through every doorway if you understand what I mean. It is not easy and takes some practice, but once mastered, you are halfway to writing mastery.

I, too, am a bit confused over your reference to an "ell" that Neroth bought and gave away. In old English, it is a measure more than an object and I don't know what you are describing in this instance. Perhaps in your first reference to it you could give a short, 3 or 4 word description of this treasure?

I'm enjoying this story very much. You have a keen sense of storytelling, you know.

eal? is that the right word? i have a hard time pornouncing(thats spelled wrong isnt it>.>) it... much less pelling it... a long slimy fish... the reason this exert is posted, is not to show off the story, or my abilites, but more of the part that i think is very weak, and wanted some feedback on how to imporve this section, and to make it flow better

ps, there are spaces between those paragraphs...... in word >.> but the formating there dosnt convert well to here... so wats two skipped lines in word, isnt anything here

eel I thought you were using it as representing a bolt of cloth, eek makes more sense. It's that Georgian accent. Having grown up in the mid west I have a problem with the word 'wash' I always want to spell 'warsh'. To be truthful I have a problem with a lot words. Without Spell Check I am lost and I think Nowena is the only one that can understand me. How I do not know.

The story is good and I am impressed, very impressed.

hehe the full version of chapter 1 is on... the other site, i will see about posting it here (if i have a moment with my laptop later i will post it here for you all to read

since i hope to publish this some day, im not posting all the chapters out

i will see about posting more of this out... as i write more intersting parts im kinda in the description of 'the guild' and the reaminder of the major charectors that are introduced at the end of chapter 2

Yep. "Eel" is the word you're looking for - a long, snakish fish that is good eating in some cultures.

Wouldn't mind seeing full version of Chapter 1 here. I think it is easier to work with you here instead of there. I tend to get distracted there, don't know about you.

Anyway, I have a bit more of my portion of the writing (vol III) done. It is coming along nicely, I think. A bit slower working through battles. I'm not too experienced with that. So, hopefully I will have some more for you soon.

Small tips to remember: When writing tense, or extremely action oriented spots, fairly short sentences and paragraphs help develop the proper tension in the reader. Pick your words carefully and keep them focused on the action. (any side discussions will break the tension)

Also, during these scenes, use active verbs as much as possible.

right, i will need to try to remember this... i got dialouge down... or i feel so... hehe and description of the scene aswell... battles are still a bit lacking i belive... which is unfortunate... needa defeintly work on that

and i will work on getting chapter 1 posted here...

thanks for the wrting... saw it, read it, looks great... just havnt had time to respond fomrialy on it

That's OK. I understand completely. I have problems concentrating on too many things at once, too.

However, I will try and chat with you about it before I go too much further. I'm thinking we need a chapter break right at the end of the part I posted. We're changing point of view here and we need to make sure it isn't at all confusing to the reader.

fair enough nowena haha... i agree with the breaks in the book