Sorry, biulding. That was in reference to a file Misnomer sent me. I agree with most of her changes - and will be adding them - but I was curious when she suggested capitalizing the various titles. I am not familiar with that and was wondering her reasons.

Is it perhaps a poetry thing? Or, perhaps it is less confusing when the names are never used?

maybe, she wsa simpling doing it as names, since they were not named...

biulding

ps gonna work on book 3 tongiht... possibly...

still leaving book two up to u nowena

I won't be able to get to it for a bit - new boxes coming in this weekend, meaning a lot of work putting games together for my RL job - but you can go ahead and send me the points you want in the story, biulding. It's not too early to start thinking how it should go.

hehe i have 3 all layed out, just need a bard to add in the details and smooth it out

2 on the other hand, is very vage... and 4 and 5 are even worse...

only thing i have for 5, is the dramatic ending....

biulding

Hey all, I finally got my laptop hooked up, so at least I'm not completely bereft, just displaced, and not quite comfortable. :p A video card is ordered, but it will take a business week to get delivered *jumps up and down impatiently*

Nowena: a few I thought were actually their titles, like "the King's Warden". That seemed to me to be an official title, but if you didn't mean it that way, don't capitalize it. But then I would also suggest saying that he is "one of the king's wardens", or "a warden of the king"...imo saying "the" implies that he is the one. But that's why I linked you to my changes, and didn't actually change your original story posted...or post my changes, because a lot of grammar changes depending on what you are trying to say Same goes for the mage, although I do think that the "King's Battlemage" would be a title, so when referring to the actual person, and using it in place of a name and without a possessive, it should be capitalized.....was my thinking. You also didn't mention a few that I meant to talk to you about, such as the Soul of Fang and the Blood of Fang...those were for emphasis, because they are so important as to be personified, again imo. But it's ultimately up to you, it's your fantabulous story Did I mention I love your story?

I agree with you both, I like Fange better with an "e", it stays in line with the mode of the whole story, but when I asked biulding when I started, he told me it was without the "e". Perfectly reasonable that a bard would change the name a bit, I think bards would actually change names about to go with their songs/stories better...fitting that you do too, Lady Nowena

Ok. Now I understand your ideas on the capitalization. I really didn't understand what you meant there. I'm not used to capitalizing titles unless you are speaking directly to them or using the title in place of the name, as in "Councilman, what do you mean by that?" And, if you were speaking about them to someone else or using the title purely to describe them, it would be, "The councilman from the fifth district referred to this incident yesterday." Or, . . . I think I'm getting myself confused now.

Anyway, it warrants serious thought. I do, on occasion use Tyron's name (the king's warden) especially later in the story. If we capitalize Warden, would that tend to indicate a different person or would it matter at all? (I would probably use 'one of the king's wardens' in that case, but there is only one warden and, in fact, only one archer in Fang.)

Regarding soul of Fang and blood of Fang, I thought I understand those to be for added emphasis and to be honest, I'm not sure at the moment how I feel. I understand the use, but I'm wondering if it subtly changes the meaning from what I originally intended? As far as blood of Fang, I merely used that phrase to identify blood relatives of the king (ie, close enough to be considered royal family and able to inherit the throne at some point, if needed). Soul of Fang may be a different thing altogether as I was referring to the essence of the entire citizenry of Fang. I think you are quite right with that one, it probably should have the emphasis. Not sure yet about blood.

Let me think on it a bit.

Thank you, Misnomer. This puts a whole new spin on it.

edit: I think I will need to print out the file to add all the changes to the story and at the moment, our printer is down. The server it works off of crashed (that nasty virus) late last week and we haven't been able to get the printer drivers working yet. (Heh, heh, the forums reminded me to check my computer, but not the company server. Talk about limited focus. )

If it's an official title, then typically in English it would begin with a capital letter. If someone is the warden, then he could be Warden Bob, or just Warden. This is perfectly correct English. You may not capitalise the first letter if there were a lot of wardens, but if there's only one or two wardens, then capitalising the W makes sense.

Wonderful news, my hubby surprised me and had the video card overnighted...he just had my computer up and running as I woke up My computer was only down for 2 days, but damned if it didn't feel eternally longer.

Nowena: Your welcome, as always, I am glad to help, especially in a story that I enjoy so much. As for the Blood of Fang, although you do generically mean the blood of the ancestors of the nobility of Fang, it seemed to me that it is almost its own entity...the culmination of all of the ancestors and the future of it, in its heirs. But you can ruminate on it, and see what best fits your story.

As to the Warden title, if you capitalize it, then it would directly refer to Tyron, since he is THE Warden of Fang, so imo it would be less confusing when switching back and forth. I thought he was the penultimate warden though, and not the only one, so again, it's up to you. But in your second example, "The councilman from the fifth district" I would think you could capitalize the "Councilman" unless there is more than one councilman for the Fifth District? (and I'm pretty sure the Fifth District should also be capitalized), since you do capitalize titles when using the title purely to describe them. Some examples given in my handy reference book is, "The Governor was re-elected in 1984", "the king of any nation would accept this proposal", "Chief of Staff", "chairman of the committee". But the book (Collins Reference Library, 1993) does use the words "often capitalized" and "usually (but not always) capitalized". Whew...who would have guessed such a long discussion on the ins and outs of capitalizations, lol.

Thanks to my computer being up, I am mostly done with a second revision of your story...I rechanged the names back to Blood-Fange. I'm re-reading a bit of Beowulf to try and stay in the rhythm of archaic speech, so probably won't be done tonight, but by tomorrow. If it's easier for you, I suppose I could just post the revision here, but I like keeping it private since it's your choice to make the changes. Whichever works for you, Nowena

Okay, here's my 2nd and final revision. I changed a few more things grammatically, still in red, and made a few suggestions (mostly in the 1st and 2nd chapters) on wording, which is underlined. That's why I like to go back to a story after a day off, it helps you see the story in a new light. I think I was in tune with your rhythm, and kept up with your flow. Thanks for letting me read and re-read that story again, it is a great story, biulding, and well written, Nowena.

Cheers,

Misnomer

http://www.4shared.com/file/103022424/10ed3b62/2nddraft.html

Thank you, Misnomer. I've been taking a short break from the story to do some work on my "other" job (RL). Will get back to you as soon as I've looked at the changes.

Thanks again for all your help.